Monthly Archives: November 2007

An interesting holiday

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Well, Thanksgiving is over. It sure was a different holiday this year. We spent Thanksgiving Day at my Mom and Dad’s house. Both sisters were there along with most of their kids.  My daughter Anastasia was there, but my other kids weren’t.

On Friday, we traveled five hours to New York to visit with them. My wife ended up cooking ANOTHER Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday and we all celebrated Thanksgiving again.

I did have a fun experience. My son John has a Nintendo Wii. Wow, what fun. I loved tennis and bowling and I HATE those games in real life. I’m still sore from playing those games.  But, I’m recovering.

In terms of my health — well, I returned to playing basketball this week. I was 100-percent, but I did okay. I made life difficult for the guys I guarded. So, that’s good. Today I even made a key three pionter and posted-up and made a few on a guy who thought he would own me.  That was fun. I’m still having spells of lightheadedness, but the neurologist today said there’s nothing she can see that’s wrong with me. So, that’s good news. But, just to be sure they’ve scheduled me for an MRI and an MRA.

I’m getting ready to decorate the house for Christmas.  I love this time of year. I’ll post more on this later.

Giving Thanks

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I doubt I’ll be posting anything tomorrow because we’ll be heading to church for our Thanksgiving service, but I wanted to take a moment to tell the world what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving.

First, I’m thankful for God’s grace in my life. It’s incredibly humbling knowing that God is allowing me not only to be a part of his family, but being able to serve him. His grace has been even more evident through my illness, or whatever it is I’ve been dealing with lately. I realize that even though I was dealing with ‘shocks’ in my head and a little light headedness, there are so many other people dealing with things so much worse. I’m also thankful for His work in my life during this time. God’s brought to mind sin, selfishness and other issues that were preventing me from having a better relationship with Him. Pray for me that I’ll be able to win that constant battle against those things.

I’m also thankful for my family, my wife especially. I’m pretty fortunate the God has given her to to me. She’s stood beside me even though I’m not the most pleasant person to be around. Many times my work, selfishness and other things have upstaged her. While she’s been hurt, she’s stood by me.  I’m also thankful for my kids. Each of them have taught me more about myself. While all of them are FAR from perfect, they are committed to the family and that’s a good thing. However, I regret that none of them have much of a relationship with Christ. I’m making a concerted effort to pray for God’s work in their hearts. Anastsia is young. I’m praying God will move in her heart early. With her personality, I believe God has got some great plans for her.

I’m also fortunate to have a Mom and Dad who have always believed in me. I have never been a very confident person. I don’t know why, but I’ve always doubted myself. I’m sure they were wondering what would become of me, since I wasn’t very motivated in school. I really have to thank them for their prayers and unending support for my success. I surely didn’t earn it on my own.

I’m also thankful for my job. I love it. I love being able to literally tell the word what God is doing through His people. I’m a very fortunate person. I’ve also got a wonderful team. Everyone of them are committed to the cause of Christ and the cause of calling more Christians to get off the butts to do something. Too few believers are doing anything for the Gospel.

My church family has also been an incredible blessing. I’ve learned so much from so many people and I can’t imagine going into spiritual battle with any other group of people. We’re truly unified and it’s thrilling.

So, Thank you Lord for your incredible blessing in my life.

Back to Work

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It’s 11:00 PM and it’s been a good day, but a tiring one. It was my first day back to work since the ‘shock’ and subsequent hospital visits. It was great to get back in the saddle, even though it was only a half day.

I started off my day getting my daughter off to school. That was followed by a visit to the chiropractor. After that I went to the advancement office to sign receipts and then into the office. It was good to see my friends.  Although, I must admit that I got tired of telling my story over and over again. But, it’s good to know how much people care.

I was able to come home at about 2:30 — about a half day. I crashed on the couch. I’m amazed how tired I got today. I’m also amazed at how refreshed I felt in doing the day-to-day work.

I did have the honor of judging the Intercollegiate National Religious Broadcaster Convention student production competition today. I felt badly being overly critical, but I believe it’ll help these young people become better broadcasters. There were several good ones. I wish them well and I hope they use their abilities for His glory. We need more young people willing to serve God in Christian broadcasting.

MSU wins — Lions losing

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What an incredible day Saturday and Sunday.  It was great to be able to function yesterday. I went to choir practice at church, mowed the lawn and enjoyed the Michigan State football team win — beating Penn State. The only thing that would make it better is having a great day of worship, preaching, and Lions winning.

However, the Lions are not winning. So, it’ll only be a 3/4 of a good day.  I sure wish the Lions would show up on days they need to show up.

I’ve learned a few things

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It’s 4:45 PM on Saturday and I’ve had a pretty good day today. Last night I had another ‘shock’ experience, but it was short lived. It came one, I dealt with it and then it went away. Since I know there’s nothing there physically causing it, I’m no longer concerned about it. It’s still irritating, and shocking (no pun intended),  but it’s easier to deal with.

One thing I’ve learned is that I value good health much more than I ever have. It’s hard not feeling well. It even more difficult not knowing what’s causing the problem. I’ve also learned that it doesn’t matter how you’re feeling, God is still good. He’s still in control. He’s not out of control just because you’re not feeling well. In fact, I really believe He brought this into my life to draw me closer to Him. Why?

I have been under a lot of stress the last eight months. The Better Than Life Project took a lot of energy. I thought the more work I put into it, the more successful it would be.  Iquickly found out that it didn’t matter how much effort I put into it, if God wasn’t behind it, it would be successful. It took me until the final week before the tour to realize that.

I think the Lord wanted to put a period to it by hitting me with this (whatever it is) in the middle of the tour. I think He wanted to get my attention and make sure that I really understood He has a plan for EVERYTHING ‘under the sun.’  Not just my life, but EVERYTHING.

So, while I’m experiencing a little ‘shocks’ in my head and a little dizziness, there’s a reason for it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s all good.

Tests reveal nothing – God is good

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Woke up at 1:30am this morning to my little girl having an asthma attack. We quickly got that under control. A 10 minute breathing treatment always seems to work. I’m glad she’s okay.

I had a pretty good day yesterday, even though I didn’t do anything. I basically sat on my butt all day. Valium also kept me down. 🙂 I had no episodes of ‘flashes’ in my head yesterday. I haven’t had any today yet, either. I even went outside to grill hamburgers.

I just got back from another doctor appointment (a follow up on the hospital visit). It appears they’re going to refer me to a neurologist. They will also be doing an MRI and MRA — but I don’t know when yet.

I am feeling better, though. The CT-scans have all come back normal and yes, they did see a brain — so, nobody can ever again say I’m brainless.

God has been good. I’m learning that I can praise Him in the storms of life and I should encourage my family to do the same. It’s been hard — but exciting.

I’ll keep you posted.

Back to the Hospital

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After having a life of NEVER riding in an ambulance, I’ve now done it twice in less than a week. Yes, I had to go back to the hospital last night. I was sitting on my couch at around 9:30 when all of a sudden I started feeling those shocks in my head again.  This time it wasn’t just one shock — there were four or five right in a row — quickly accompanied by tingling in my left arm. My wife called our good friend who’s a nurse and  she told us to go to call 911.

So, I went back to the hospital. They did ANOTHER ct scan because the other one I had done was sent away to be read by another doctor. The second scan was done WITHOUT the contras, so they weren’t able to look the the blood vessels in the brain. But, the scan didn’t show any masses. But, it did show that I have a neck with arthritis in c-5 and c-6 that could be causing some of the pain.

There’s still nothing there to show WHY my head keeps doing what it’s doing.

It’s nearly 11am and I just got up. I’m getting a bit depressed about why this is happening. But, I am relieved that there doesn’t appear to be a tumor or anything serious like that. I would, however, like this to end.

I feel badly that my wife has to deal with this and to see the fear in my daughters eye last night was heartbreaking. I can only imagine what’s going through her mind these days.

I’m viewing this as a trial. God must be preparing me for something. Im still planning to read Romans today in The Message.

CT Scan day

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I woke up at 4:30 am today with a strange sensation throughout my body. I felt like my whole body was pulsating. Then my head started thumping. I tossed and turned until I needed to get up at 6:30 am for my catscan on my head.

The morning started off cloudy, but warm for this time of year. It started off in the lower 50’s, but it’s suppose to get windy and cold today. I’m currently sitting on the couch at 9:45 in the morning watching Fox News and wondering about my health.

I was nearly in tears as the nurse drew blood and as I went into the catscan room at 8:00 am. The guy who did the test sensed my concern and told me that 90 percent of the people who get ct scans have nothing show up. That was good, but that also means 1 in 10 DO have something show up. With my luck, I’ll be the one out of the 10.

I had a great talk with God this morning. I prayed for the obvious things, but I also realize God has a plan and he’s not waiting for me to complete the plan. He’s going to do what He wants no matter what. I just need to be willing to be a part of the plan, not to be a hindrance. So, while I don’t want to have a tumor in my head, I know He’s in total control and I just need to trust.

This process has been hard, but it’s been good. I know people are praying for me. That’s also a good thing. However, the doctor and the hospital are making waiting even more difficult. I was told today that I may have to wait a week to get the results. How can they expect people to wait that long? That’s ridiculous.

I am a bit disappointed I can’t go hunting tomorrow (opening day deer hunting). But, in the scheme of things, that’s VERY small. 🙂

I had one great success today. I was able to do the dishes without feeling too queezy. So, perhaps things are looking up.

I’m excited to start reading Romans tomorrow in The Message. I love that book. I helps me focus on what’s important. Chapter 9, will be especially helpful.

Difficult day

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It has been nearly one week since I first experienced these strange ‘shocks’ in my head. I wish I could describe them accurately.  Wednesday, the shock hit me hard. I made my whole body twinge. Then it hit again on Thursday, which sent my heart racing and took me on a trip to the hospital.

My world has been rocked ever since. I just turned 42 years old and I was pretty active. I played basketball three times a week — sometimes more. But now, I’m having a hard time standing up without feeling light headed.  I’ve had thoughts of brain tumor, aneurysm, stroke, heart attack, MS, and I’m sure the list goes on and on. However, all the tests have come back normal.  Tomorrow I go in for a ct scan on my head to rule out tumor. While the doctor doesn’t think that’s what it is, he’s doing it for my peace of mind.

Why am I telling you all this?  Because I feel lost.  I feel like I have no road map or any answers.  Typicially, if I sick or hurt, I know WHY I’m sick or hurt. This time I have no clue and neither do the doctors.

However, I can tell you I feel more close to the Lord than I’ve ever felt.  I’ve had to depend on Him through this. While it may not seem that bad to you, it feels like incredible uncertainty for me. I keep thinking about my eight year old daughter and my wife. I don’t want to leave either one of them. I’m scared. Not of death. Death would be great, actually, because I’d be with the Lord in heaven…but of leaving them without a father and husband. That’s a lot to pile on someone — especially a little girl who was already an orphan once.

So, that’s where I am emotionally.  There was a song I stumbled upon while I was traveling.  It’s called, “Gentle Savior” by David Phelps and has really put in perspective the way I feel.  Here are the words:

Where are the signs? Which way should I go?
I planned each step but now I don’t know.
Tomorrow is a chasm of uncertainty
But, I will go there, if You’ll go with me.

Chorus
Gentle Savior, lead me on.
Let Your Spirit light the way.
Gentle Savior, lead me on.
Hold me close and keep me safe.
Lead me on, Gentle Savior.

Why can’t I walk away from my regrets
And why is forgiveness so hard to accept.
My past surrounds me like a house I can’t afford.
But You say, “Come with me; don’t live there anymore.”

Chorus

And when I reach the valley every soul must journey through
I’ll remember then how well You know the way,
I’ll put my hand in Your hand like a trusting child would do
And say…